


Too Good

by barbaesparza



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Colleagues with Benefits, F/M, Fuckbuddies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-26 00:11:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13845957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbaesparza/pseuds/barbaesparza
Summary: “Just thought you should know that. We don’t have to keep going like this.”“Like what, exactly?” Rafael says distractedly.“Oh, I don’t know. Like mere coworkers.” Amanda smiles crookedly.Rafael looks back at her cautiously. Theyaremere coworkers. “What are you suggesting?”“Come on, Counselor. You knowexactlywhat I’m suggesting.”





	Too Good

Amanda unbuttons the second button of her blouse, the top one already undone. Rafael can’t help but follow the movement, her fingers lingering and then smoothing down the opening. Her collarbone is revealed, as well as the column of her throat, enticing.

Rafael is hit by a sudden urge, a fantasy, of kissing, licking, and sucking at the exposed skin, of running his finger down the row of buttons.

Would she sigh? Or whimper? Or simply ask for more?

Maybe she’d grab him by the hair and lead him exactly where she wants him.

“God,” Rafael sighs.

Amanda leans close with a fiery curiosity in her eyes. “What was that, Counselor?”

“Noth- No, I didn’t say anything.” Rafael silently curses their proximity for compromising his ability to speak.

“No, I heard something,” Amanda says, all concern. “Is something the matter?”

“Nothing’s the matter, I just-”

“Yes?” Amanda flutters her eyelashes deliberately.

“I was just thinking,” Rafael says truthfully.

“Yeah? What about?” she asks innocently, but Rafael knows that she knows what she’s doing.

He levels a glare at her.

They look at each other for far too long, before Amanda breaks the silence.

“Well, if you don’t wanna share, that’s up to you,” she says slowly, sitting back and biting her lip, her eyes still on Rafael.

Rafael swallows at the sight. “I, um-”

“You know I’m here for you, right?”

Is she?

“Uh…” Rafael is unable to articulate his thoughts, which center around the fact that they really _never_ talk outside of work. All they do is smile politely and offer pleasantries when needed. It’s rarely needed. Neither of them stick around long enough after meetings.

“Just thought you should know that. We don’t have to keep going like this.”

“Like what, exactly?” Rafael says distractedly.

“Oh, I don’t know. Like mere coworkers.” Amanda smiles crookedly.

Rafael looks back at her cautiously. They _are_ mere coworkers. “What are you suggesting?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Come on, Counselor. You know _exactly_ what I’m suggesting,” Amanda says, her voice dripping with something sinful.

“I’m not sure I do,” Rafael says calmly, trying to quash the panic in his voice.

“I’ve seen the way you look at me.”

“I- I don’t look at you,” Rafael quickly denies. He really doesn’t. At least he tries not to.

“That’s a lie,” Amanda whispers, moving around the desk with a surprising amount of stealth.

“I-”

“You’re doing it now. You do it all the time,” she accuses, locking onto Rafael’s eyes as she closes in, as if to make her point. Of course, now, Rafael can’t look away. “Just say it, Rafael. Say what you want.”

Rafael’s mouth goes dry. _“Amanda,_ I-”

“Say it,” she commands, inches from his lips.

“I want you,” he says reverently, and Amanda cocks a lopsided grin, satisfied, but doesn’t move.

“Take me, then,” she says simply.

Rafael’s eyes widen, and everything seems surreal, Amanda Rollins, right in front of him, asking him to do what he’s always wanted.

Amanda licks her lips, and Rafael launches forward, his heart pounding, and takes her lips in his, and they melt against each other. Amanda’s hands find Rafael’s neck and she deepens the kiss, urging Rafael to come closer.

She tastes sweet and minty, and Rafael couldn’t have imagined how perfect this would feel, how well they would fit together.

It had all been a flight of fancy, but now it’s real. He can’t wrap his head around the fact that Amanda seems to want him too.

They break apart, and Amanda is so beautiful like that, cheeks flushed and eyes bright, Rafael almost forgets to breathe.

“Come home with me,” he finds himself saying.

“Really?” Amanda says, raising an eyebrow, but sounding slightly breathless.

Rafael leans in, breathing hot against her ear.

“I want to make you feel good,” he whispers.

“I’m sure you will,” Amanda replies with a smirk.

* * *

Being with Amanda feels too good to be true.

It feels too good to be true when she kisses him slowly and unbuttons his shirt, her hand tracing a lingering path down Rafael’s chest.

It feels too good to be true when she pushes him down on his bed and asks if she can suck him off.

When Amanda pulls off, climbs on top of him, and sinks herself perfectly onto his cock, riding him, moaning his name.

When he fucks up into the wet heat of her and slips his tongue into her mouth, and she scrapes her nails up his sides, digging into his shoulder blades.

And when he grips an arm around her hips and comes hard inside her, his vision flashing white, he can’t help but wish it didn’t have to be over.

But then Amanda is shuddering on top of him, making noises he couldn’t even have imagined, and Rafael loses himself in the feeling of Amanda clenching around him, holding onto him so tight, crashing her lips against his.

Coming for him. Because of him.

He kisses her, swallowing her moans, and he holds her, her heaving body so precious in his arms.

And then once they’re cleaned up, Amanda smiles sweetly, says she had fun, and leaves, and that’s when he knows it’s not just a feeling. It _is_ too good to be true.

 

But to Rafael’s surprise, it happens again, and again, and soon they’ve been sharing their evenings for four months or thereabouts, and Rafael has been made to confront his feelings on more than one occasion, but he just pushes it down each time. There’s simply no way that vocalizing them will end well. Not when Amanda moves against him like she needs him, but doesn’t want him. She needs him in the moment, but she doesn’t want him for anything more.

 

He’ll take it. He’ll take anything Amanda’s willing to give him, and he’ll give her everything she needs, because the alternative would be living without her.

And the truth is, he needs Amanda.

It’s this thought that consumes him when Amanda drops by to drop him a file for their case.

 

They keep the exchange formal, despite the lack of audience. Keeping their relationship professional during work has grown to be important to them, even if they’ve never spoken about it.

 

But occasionally, when the work is done, Rafael will slip. Today, when Amanda smiles at him wickedly and turns to leave, he slips.

“C’mere,” Rafael says softly, his smile matching his tone.

She steps back to him, feigning reluctance, but crowds up close between his legs, mischief in her eyes. “Was there something else, Counselor?”

“Always,” Rafael says, inching forward to capture her lips in his, the blissful drag of their lips a welcome reprieve from revising his opening statement.

Amanda leans into him, and Rafael wraps his arms around her.

He winds a hand into her hair, pulling at it gently, tilting her head so he can deepen the kiss.

They part for a breath, but Rafael doesn’t stop long enough for that, leaning in to press his nose against Amanda’s neck, breathing her scent in as deep as he can through shallow breaths and stroking her hair.

“Rafael…” Amanda says, suppressing a sigh.

“Yeah,” he sighs, mouthing at her neck and cupping her breast over the satiny material of her blouse.

She takes him by the wrist and puts some distance between them.

“We shouldn’t-” She pauses, bringing her eyes up to Rafael’s. “We shouldn’t do this anymore, okay?”

“Here? I know, I know… I just, I needed you,” Rafael says playfully.

“No. At all.”

What?

"But-” He straightens up. “Why?”

Amanda winces. “You _know,_ we were only doing this because we were both single and available. There was no other reason.”

“No other reason,” Rafael repeats. It’s a question, but he’s afraid to hear the answer.

“And to blow off some steam,” she says casually.

Is that all?

“Really? You really needed the stress relief that often?”

Amanda opens her mouth and hesitates. “It’s been good,” she says delicately, “but… it was always going to end.”

Rafael doesn’t know how to refute this, but Amanda continues before he can find a way.

“I’m… I’m ready for something more, you know?” Amanda explains reluctantly. “Something that means something.”

Rafael wants to say so much in that moment, so much.

But all that tumbles forth is what’s been forming in his heart for a while now, even if he’s never articulated it.

“But I love you.” It comes out shakily and not at all how he’d imagined it.

Amanda only shakes her head sadly. "You want me, there's a difference."

“The two aren’t mutually exclusive,” Rafael says.

“You don’t love me,” Amanda says, her tone sure.

_I do. I love you, Amanda._

“How do you know that?”

“We’ve been doing this for like 4 months. You would have said something earlier.”

“I’m saying it now.”

“I mean, telling me you love me, whether you mean it or not,” she adds cautiously, “is not the issue here. If you wanted this to be something more, why did you never stay the night, or ask me to dinner? Anything that suggested this wasn’t just fucking to you.”

Rafael gapes at her for a moment, and sighs.

“I guess I always knew deep down that you wouldn’t feel the same,” Rafael replies with a bittersweet smile.

Amanda tilts her head, her eyes curious.

“Now why would you assume something like that?” she questions.

“I- huh?”

“Look, Rafael, I like you a lot,” she says, tone candid. “You know, the sex… it’s- okay, maybe not the _best_ I’ve ever had but it’s right up there-”

“I should be offended.”

“And you’re the perfect gentleman,” she adds thoughtfully.

“But…?” Rafael prompts, bracing himself for the rejection.

“Yeah, I’d say the nicest ass I’ve ever seen, and I really enjoy every moment I spend with you, and, I guess what I’m saying is, I’d be open to exploring something outside of what we do in bed.”

“I- You- Really?” Rafael feels like all the air in his lungs has been knocked out of him.

“Yeah,” Amanda says, elbowing him lightly. “Come on. How about dinner? I’ll even pay.”

“You’re asking me to dinner?” Rafael confirms incredulously.

“Yeah.” Amanda grins. “God, you’re cute.”

Rafael blushes lightly, brushing his fingers over Amanda’s cheek before surging forward and kissing her, _really_ kissing her, and it’s slow and electric, and it’s so good, and so real.

Amanda’s mouth falls open in a gasp, and Rafael rakes his other hand through her hair, holding onto her, holding on to the feeling of Amanda.

Amanda, sighing happily against him.

Amanda, here with him for real.

Amanda, ready for something more, with him.

 

They pull away from each other too soon, but Amanda stays close, a content look in her eyes when she blinks them open slowly. Rafael winds his arms around her waist, pressing his lips to the corner of her mouth.

“I meant it. I love you, I really do,” Rafael says against her lips, like a prayer.

Amanda smiles, breathless. “I’m starting to realize.” She kisses him again, so sweet, and it’s never been this tender between them, this soft. Rafael’s heart flutters.

 

It’s then that Rafael begins to realize something too. That everything he’s wanted has been in his arms all along, all he needed to do was ask.

Luckily, despite his fear, his lack of action, Amanda had given him a chance anyway.

 

He takes in the sight of Amanda in front of him, grateful that she had. He tucks a strand of hair behind her ear carefully.

“Dinner sounds great, by the way,” he says, beaming.

Straightening up, Amanda mirrors his smile, the corners of her eyes crinkling. “It does, doesn’t it?”

He nods in agreement. “You’re too good to me,” he muses.

Amanda gives him an affectionate smirk as she reaches out to adjust his tie. “I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my anonymous helper for helping me become unstuck with the ending!
> 
> Edit: Thank you @tobeconspicuous :)


End file.
